The SAT IIs

Warning: in an attempt to recreate the morning as accurately as possible there'll be some profanity. If you explode when seeing profanity, leave or prepare to die a fiery death. Repeatedly. Also, racism bad. Any apparently racist comments will be jokes. Probably.

Background: Missed the signup deadlines for May's SATs. Delayed signing up for June's until I figured out whether or not I was going to ARML. Continued dicking around until the last day to sign up because I'm lazy. Ended up having to sign up to take the tests at a high school in DC with 100% black attendance. Not saying I was expecting to get knifed or something but that irked me a little bit. ("At least you know you'll be the smartest kid in the room!" -Matt Callahan. I don't endorse racism but it doesn't appear I can say the same about white people.)

So here are the thoughts I had this morning that are worth mentioning, in order:

Stand on the left side of the hallway? Ok. Why am I the only one on this side? [There are like 15 kids on the other side.] I must be special. [Couple kids join me in a bit. Turns out it was people taking the normal SAT vs subject tests.]

What the fuck?! Biggest goddamn house centipede I've seen in my life. Get me the hell out of here.

Mmm... I'd tap that.

Check out that centipede. [Different one. Smaller.] Kids are shifting their feet to get out of its way, like it owns the damn place. Fucking centipedes.

[After like fifteen minutes of standing in the hallway we get taken to a classroom.] Hey, only like half the people in this room are black. Even some Asians up in here... the hell? Eddie Rim? Huh. Small world. Probably also was lazy. [Not judging him.] I should go tell him I have an eraser he at some point drew penises on. [Never did.]

[I hear some Korean girls talking about IBET. At least, I think they were Korean.] Damn, what is going on here? Is everyone in this room from TJ?

It's eight-fucking-forty and we still haven't started the damn test. Maybe proctor lady didn't make a mistake when she "accidentally" said we'd be getting out at 1 or 2.

People around me derping about how the SAT IIs are worth college credit. The hell? Thankfully some girl corrects them. Saved them from my wrath. [Later on, proctor asks us if the tests are for college credit. What the fuck.]

Those test booklets are huge. Trees: Q_Q

LOL MATH 2 LOL.

Oh god, have to copy this long-ass statement in cursive. [Most difficult part of the test, hands down. Took me like five minutes to write three lines.]

[Half the room leaves because they've only signed up for one test. Teacher asks if there's anyone taking three tests. I'm the only one who raises a hand.] Fuck. [sigh] Whatever.

[Remaining Korean girl from TJ says to Eddie, "Hey, don't you go to TJ? Nice!"] Damnit, what about meeeeee? :(

Free Capri-Suns? Thanks but I'll pass. A pouch is like two mouthfuls of drink, anyway. We all got bigger but those pouches sure didn't. Must be why the straw's so thin. Clever, Kraft.

LOL CHEMISTRY LOL.

[Everyone but me leaves. Commence eye rolling and banter with proctor.]

What the hell? There are two doors between the hallway and the bathroom.

Fuck, physics... First three answers are all A. Goddamnit.

[The question was like, what are the directions of the net force and acceleration for a ball thrown straight up when it's 1) going up? 2) at the top? 3) falling? Lol.]

Left like four questions blank because I don't know anything about optics and lenses and neglected to look over that material [that was 3 of them] and because I ran out of time on a question that involved impulse. Fucking impulse. But...

HOME FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

And that was it. Spent four hours in an all-black high school and emerged unscathed. I do smell like cologne, though, since one of my parents' Hispanic employees took me home in his car.

Moral of the story: fuck house centipedes.

EDIT: God damn it. Just realized I dated everything June 3 instead of June 4. ALL THAT WORK FOR NOTHING.